Benjamin

I cried again today over Benjamin.  I loved him; he had my heart.  This little boy, not even a year old, filled an empty spot in my soul.  I wish I knew what it was.  I would go buy one, or make it, and keep it with me everyday. I fill the emptiness by giving to others, but I give out of an empty heart, not a full one.  I know that there is more, and I almost had it.  My question now is, "What next, Lord?" I know I am going through the desert place, the valley of the shadow of death.  What do you want to accomplish by me being here? Take me to the desert rose, show me the next step.  Shape me, mold me, as I melt into the vessel of Your choice. As I wither in the heat, re-create me.  I know it is coming.  I know my tears are not wasted on You.  You are victorious, and I am not defeated.  I wait on You.  I wait until you show me the next step.  This empty place in my heart, you will fill, and you will stretch it, to love beyond what I thought possible.