Strong Holds

Does wearing 7 items of clothes in one week honor God?  Before this week it would have been a hard sell for me to say, “Yes,” to this question.  Clothes really aren’t my weakness, so how could God teach me anything through this fast?  I mean, I shop at thrift stores and consignment stores.  I rarely buy anything new for myself unless it’s underwear or socks.  I’m really trying to learn to let my beauty come from a quiet and gentle spirit, not from clothes, jewelry, and super cute sandals. Ya know?  But then mid week came and I started believing that there was something more to this fasting thing than just what I had to learn about clothing.

Day 4 hit me like a ton of bricks!  I couldn’t even get up and have my quiet time before the enemy was causing rifts between me and my husband.  I sought the help of some pretty awesome ladies to pray for me, but the enemy wasn’t about to give up that easily.  So, when I went to Target to get an air filter for the AC, he thought he’d try again.

I walked into Target and almost walked straight out, because I was doing that “I’m so stupid for thinking that Target would have air filters, and why didn’t I just go to Wal-mart” kind of thing.  But just as I was about to walk out, I did the fake you out turn to the right, so no one watching would know that I am an indecisive fool, and would think that I just wanted to go through the ladies clothing section. Ha!  All you gullible on-lookers, I MUST have fooled you.  (Really, I don’t think anyone was watching me anyway, so certainly, it wouldn’t have mattered to anyone if I just turned around and kept going the way I was going.) But just as I started walking along the ladies section, I felt this incredibly insecure feeling about the way I was dressed—in 4 of my fabulous 7.  I was sporting my trusted tennis shoes, my snazzy running shorts, cool green T-shirt, my ever so comfortable grey jacket, and black socks with polk-a-dots.  I quickly had the thought that maybe I should go home and change, and my clothes felt SOOO old.  I was surrounded by brand new clothes.  Clothes that had never been worn, maybe I should just buy some.  All these thoughts and more came into my mind in just a few seconds.  Then, I remembered that I’m doing the 7 thing, I don’t really have anything to change into at home, and even if I bought something, I couldn’t wear it for several more days anyway.  So, I continued on my trek to get the air filter, and felt better.  I passed by the colorful tennis shoes, amazed at all the color choices of shoes just for work out purposes. I noticed that the sandals for the season were bright, but not really tempting enough to buy.  Then the pj’s looked so frumpy.  When I turned the aisle and saw the socks, I thought about my black socks, with my white tennis shoes, and I kid you not, I thought, “Maybe I should just buy some white socks while I’m here, if I had white socks, I would be pretty.” (Insert record stopping noise here)  Because I was like…what is going on??  And I knew that I was being attacked.  So, I started praying not only for me, but also for the ladies in the group, that we would be able to overcome the temptation that we need the right clothes to feel pretty, but that our beauty would come from within.  This I have learned, you can not combat the enemy with will power.  It just doesn’t work.  Our power is nothing against the control he places over us.  “Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”  Our power lies in God, when we draw near to Him, by remembering His promises, and praying His truth, He battles for us.  Paul gives us a whole section on how to stand against the schemes of the devil in Eph 6:10-19.  I love seeing the Word of God put into action in my life, because I know if it is true in a stubborn, rebellious heart like mine, it has to be true in others hearts as well.

So, I finished up my shopping trip.  Target does have air filters, by the way.  Just in case, you ever needed one.  And I continued in the attacks on my marriage for the rest of the day.

So, this is what I think.  For me to wear the same 7 clothes over for a week, and dedicating myself to the LORD, must be causing some kind of rifts in the spiritual realm for a little ol’ nothing like me to be under attack for a whole day.  And here’s the cool thing about it.  I’m already seeing a little bit of what God is doing.  He’s breaking down strongholds that have been over me for years.  Ones that have nothing to do with clothes (at least I don’t think so), but everything to do with receiving the future He has planned for me.  Yep, Jesus has overcome, and He’s working in my life. That gives me the encouragement to wear my seven one more day.

Compassion

I’m reading this book today, and wow, does it ever fit in with this week’s theme.  The title of the section is “Compassion,” and it comes from the book, The Church God Blesses, by Jim Cymbala. Here’s the jist.

The first item on heaven’s dress list is to “clothe yourselves with compassion.”  God’s idea of spiritual fashion and attractiveness begins with tenderhearted pity and mercy toward other people.  One Bible translation renders the word compassion as “a deep feeling of interest,” which stands in stark contrast of the cold, insensitive and self-preoccupied attitudes of society in general….Many of us feel that discerning the faults of others is a sign of our spirituality.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The real mark of Christlikeness is to be stirred in our hearts by what others are going through.  It is to be moved in our hearts by the inner battles with sin and the feelings of inferiority and guilt that people fight day after day.

It is easy to give up on people when we see them continuing down the wrong road, but what if Christ had responded that way toward us?  Remember, we all came from the same cesspool of sin.  Rather than looking away from our horrible condition, Jesus showed great compassion and even gave his life for us.  How ungrateful it is of us to wear the clothes of insensitivity and self-righteousness when the only reason we are in the family of God is that “the Lord is full of compassion and mercy.” (James 5:11)

Oh, if I am not struggling to show compassion today, to a couple of people.  People that should be more mature in their faith than me….at least that’s what I would think, because they are in positions of authority, and I want them to be more mature spiritually than me.  What if I applied this idea of compassion and gave these people the freedom to fail, to lack faith?  What if I stood in the gap and prayed for them, with compassion, the same compassion that Jesus has given me?  Would it make a difference?  The answer lies within my own life.  Has the compassion that Jesus has given me made a difference in my life?  The answer is, "Yes."

Simple Chaos

My life is so simple in some ways it’s sick.  I can wear the same clothes for a week, and no one even notices.  I don’t have close ties to anyone except my husband and kids, and they could care less if they see me in the same clothes I wore yesterday or not.  They’re just happy to see me (generally).

While the world around me is a little stressful with my husband in school, the upcoming move, getting our house ready to go on the market, and then needing it to sell; MY life is pretty stress free.  I feel pretty blessed right now.

When I read about the other ladies in the group, going on business trips, and having to plan a wardrobe around work, and the brutal winter cold, at first I’m intimidated, because, my life is so detached from that reality that no one even knows that I’m wearing my clothes over for a whole week.  But on further inspection, I see how it is such a blessing, that in the midst of chaos, I have a calm, deep in the center of my being.  And it is a gift, a blessing from the One that calms the raging storms.  It comes from the One whom “even the wind and the waves obey.” He’s holding back the winds and the waves in my life right now, and protecting me because I’m choosing to stay under it.

And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.  And those in the boat worshiped him saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Matt. 14:33

The Race

I lay in bed an hour before I managed to get out of it today.  Today’s Monday, meaning work out day, and I started last night praying for God to help me want to exercise this morning.  I’ve found through these fasts already, that I really don’t like doing anything hard.  I think the issue goes even deeper.  I know the average person has a fear of failure, and I’m sure I have just as much as the next girl, but that’s not what stops me in my tracks.  It’s the fear of success.  That’s right.  Success brings so much more pressure than failure.  If you win, you have to keep it up.  You have to try harder, because others are going to try harder to keep up with you.  And then there’s that thing that it inevitably brings:  jealousy.  And jealousy brings an army of problems.  I am always amazed at how mean (especially girls) can be when they are jealous of another girl.  Up until now, I’ve let it get the best of me.  I’ve given up, scaled back, and put myself down so that others won’t have to be jealous of me.

But not anymore.  I’m pressing forward, and I’m going to improve, because I know the Author of the race.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2  

While I am exercising these mornings, I’m also praying, asking Jesus to help me overcome my fears, and to teach me endurance.  I want to finish the race.  I want the sin in my heart to be removed, and I want love to remain.  I’m not there yet, but that’s ok, I’ve got some AWESOME ladies running by my side, and we have our eyes on Jesus.  I know we are going to finish.

Clothes Fast: Meet My Wardobe

Tomorrow starts the second fast.  This time around: Clothes.  I chose to do the official 7 thing.  I'm keeping it simple.  One outfit for wearing during the week.  One oufit for working out, and to wear around the house. I need something to sleep in and a jacket, because I HATE to be cold.  I don't care if it's Spring Break time in South Texas.  The wind still blows here.  I want a jacket.

I so wish I could talk my family into doing this with me.  Just think of the laundry, or lack of laundry, that is.  This would be a dream week for me.

I'm making this week an all inclusive clothes theme.  I've cleaned out my clothes and drawers, with a two-fold plan.  All the clothes that I can sell at a consignment store, I'm taking in with the hopes of making some money to donate to a local food bank.  The rest of the stuff, I'm donating to my favorite thrift store.  Speaking of...guess which item above is from a thrift store?  Guess how many items I paid full price for?  Guess how many I bought from an actual retail store?

 The jeans were $4 at the thrift store, the shorts were found in the curtain rack at Goodwill, I think for $2. The jacket was a hand me down, and the night gown a gift from my sister.  The shoes I bought online, at a discount, and the grey t-shirt, the only thing bought at a retail store (kinda, if you consider Target retail) cost $3 on clearance.  My wardrobe for the week cost me less than $50.

And here's hoping to feeding a few more hungry people.

First, Middle, and Last

I have been blessed many times over through this first fasting period.  I’ve already mentioned a few in the previous blogs, but here’s a rundown of those I can remember.

·         I was prompted to pray for the ladies in the group: an honor for me.

·         I heard the Spirit’s voice, speaking to me clearly the entire week.

·         I was convicted of a big area of sin in my thought life, and given Scripture to combat it.

·         I was given a hunger to share my resources with the poor and seek opportunities to share my extra with others.

·         I was encouraged to start working out. I set up a routine to work out every Mon, Wed, and Fri.  Consequently, my church is launching a workout program on Sunday afternoons that my daughter and I plan to attend.

·         My husband made A’s on his three tests last week.  He’s usually a solid B’s kind of guy.

·         I am encouraged to fast more, and see the relevance in fasting and praying in tandem.

Before the fast, I was speaking with a lady that is a continual faster.  She shared with me that God always met her at different times in her fast.  Although, I decided to fast lunches for the week, my schedule for day 1 wasn’t conducive. We have life group on Sundays after church, and part of the group is sharing a meal together.  It’s a special time, and I didn’t want to inhibit the cohesiveness of the group.   Instead, I  broke bread with my brothers and sisters in Christ, and fasted the evening meal.  When I came home from our group meeting, I knew that fasting had begun, and I was kind of think/praying about what I should do. (like at that moment)  I felt like I should be productive, but I didn’t know with what.  I got up, put my shoes on, and had the idea to rake the leaves in the front yard, kind of all at the same time.  While raking leaves, I noticed there was a couple standing outside at my neighbor’s house.  Her house is for sell, and they were there with a realtor looking at it.  They said hi to me and I said hi back, and kept raking my leaves.  We are moving in a few months, so I didn’t really see the need to get all friendly with them, even if they were buying the house, we wouldn’t even get to know them very long before someone would be buying our house, and be their new neighbors.  So, even though the lady was still standing out in the front yard by herself, I didn’t initiate any conversation.  Until I started feeling convicted for my un-neighborly attitude. “Did you like the house?” I finally asked.  “No, it only has one bathroom, and we were looking to see if we could add on, but it is going to cost too much,” she answered.  I commiserated with her, and then she asks, “What is yours?”  Weird.  I answered her question, and then added that we were going to put our house on the market in April, if they hadn’t found a house by then, to come look us up.  She was really interested, and started asking me a slew of questions.  Finally, I asked if she wanted to just see my house.  Y’all. My house was a mess.  Not like filthy mess, but untidy mess, and I showed it anyway.  There was a time in my life, I wouldn’t let a good friend in my house without cleaning it for a whole day prior, much less a potential buyer! I’m a little over that now, but really sometimes I don’t even recognize myself.  The couple really liked the house.  Their realtor wanted us to call them back with a number.  What is even more funny,  just a few days before, I had told my husband that I didn’t want to put a For Sale sign in our yard, and my whole family took turns making fun of me for such a ridiculous idea.  Who’s laughing now?  Not me, and not them either!  After they left, I went back to raking leaves, and I started praying for discernment.  I don’t think these people are the ones that God has to buy our house.  I really don’t feel right taking a buyer from my neighbor.  That’s not following out Jesus’ command to love your neighbor.  But as I was praying if this was for encouragement, I received an overwhelming response.  It didn’t come in English words, but feelings.  It was like pink bows, and little girl smiles, and jazz hands.  It was if God way saying, “Yes, Yes, my child!  This is for you!  Did you like the gift as much as I liked giving it to you?”  I believe that this was God meeting me on the first day of my fast. 

One of my hopes during this fasting time was that God would give me wisdom on whether I should be content to stay at home, or if I should be looking for a job outside the home.  On day 4, (although it was early in the day, technically, it could have been 3.5) I was coming home from my walk, and I felt this overwhelming relief at being home right now.  I started thinking about all the things I would have missed if I was working, like field trips and track meets, being able to pick up my kids from school, and the list continued.  Then I realized that in the middle of my fast God had met me, with the answer for His will concerning me now.  He showed me the true desires of my heart.

So, I’m starting to figure out this pattern, God met me the first day, with something huge.  He met me mid-week with an answer for direction.  So, I’m getting excited about how He is going to meet me the last day.  The last day is Saturday, and we didn’t have much planned as a family.  Drew decided to go up to his school to work on his thesis paper, and I was able to get a lot cleaned around the house, and even tackle the mess in my bedroom left over from remodeling the bathroom.  When I walked in my room, the first thing I noticed was my husband had put all his dirty clothes in the laundry basket.  That happens like, never.  I knew.  I knew it was God meeting me on the last day, with a special gift that said, you are appreciated.

The War Against Excess: Food Battle Won!

Today is the last day of fasting for me.  Yay!  And not so yay.  My biggest realization during this time is that I eat too much!  Really.  The reason I’ve gained all this weight in one year, is simply because, I consume more food than my body needs, and it makes me sad.  Especially because I know how much money I spend on food every month, and how many organizations there are in my local area to feed hungry people.  

Yesterday after fasting I was so hungry, I ate two pieces of a cookie, two bites of cake, and one of those -so much sodium-fake cheese and breadsticks-it-could clog an artery-packages.  I had been trying to eat healthy thinking of my sisters in spirit giving up all snacks and limiting themselves to 7 items for two weeks, but yesterday, I just couldn’t do it.  I ordered pizza for dinner.  A bacon and pepperoni pizza for my beloved boys, a pasta alfredo for my dear daughter, and a green pepper and mushroom pizza for me with the hopes that my boys might add a little veggies to their diet, too.  All I could eat was one piece.  ONE PIECE.  And I could barely finish that.  My stomach is shrinking, and I don’t think I want it to go back to the way it was.

This is the way my stomach thought before: "I can eat whatever I want.  I don’t have to share.  I can take more than is necessary for myself, I deserve it.  I don’t care if there are others who have less than me."  I want this smaller stomach’s thoughts to persevere: "I don’t need as much to survive, I can share my resources with those less fortunate, I will seek opportunities to give."

I pray that God will give me the grace to live it.

Justice

I made my decision to fast lunches for 7 days, because my husband didn’t want to do these fasts with me, and I thought that since I am alone 5 of the 7 days for lunch, it really would be better for me to fast this meal and make it easier on everybody.  Sounds logical right? 

For the last five days my husband has come home for lunch.  Guess how many times in the last year my husband has come home for lunch?  About 8…including these last five days.  For the last few days, I’ve had to smell food several hours after he left.

Not only did I make the commitment to not eat lunch, I decided to put a time limit on it, so I wouldn’t just eat an early lunch or late lunch and call it fasting.  So I decided since the project is called 7, why not fast 7 hours.  Seemed catchy.   My hours would be from 10am-5pm.

Today, I came home from my daughter’s school at 9:55, and my husband’s car was in the driveway.  When I walked through the door, the smell of eggs and chorizo hit me.  “You made chorizo?” It was more of an accusation than a question.  What I meant was, “Are you kidding me?!?  Do you really want me to hate you?  You have eaten lunch at home for the last 4 days, and now you are making breakfast just at the time that my fast starts, so I have to smell food the entire time of my fast!”  His answer, “No, its bacon, potato, and egg, want some?”  I managed to politely say, “No, thanks.”

So, he ate the huge plateful of bacon, potato, and egg that easily could have fed our family of four.  He took a nap before going back to school, and on the way to school, he threw it up.  All of it. 

What Is Done In Secret

Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matt 6: 4b, Matt 6:6b,
and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matt 6:18 b

I have received another blessing from this fasting period.  For the first time God is showing me sin in my thought life.  Really, I’ve never understood it as sin before, but now I am being convicted, and it feels good.  Wanna know why?  Because those thoughts don’t just stay thoughts, they turn in to beliefs, and beliefs turn into attitudes, wrong attitudes toward people who are loved by Christ.

I’ll give you a little example.  The other day I was doing laundry, and just as I was pouring the laundry onto the bed, I had this “thought,” “My family doesn’t appreciate me.”  And I start folding shirts and underwear, and I’m thinking about why I shouldn’t have to be doing their laundry, and I’ll always be a slave to a husband that won’t put his dirty clothes in a laundry basket, and won’t do the simplest chores around the house, and doesn’t make his children responsible for their things, and I’m still folding laundry, and I realize I am making a SOAP OPERA in my own mind!  And I could have gone on….

Now, for the truth.  I love my family.  My husband works really hard.  He is going to school to be a Physician Assistant, because he believes that God has called him to it.  He studies every night, just to be able to pass his tests.  He has three tests this week.  And in the midst of all that, he went to life group with us on Sunday, he canceled his drum lessons so he could take my daughter to her basketball party, and so I could go to a meeting at church. He compliments me every evening for cooking a good dinner, he completely remodeled our ugly 60’s tiled bathroom over his Christmas break, and the list could go on and on….and that’s not even the point.

The point is, that my thoughts need to be taken captive! 

 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

                                2 Corinthians 10:4-6

And here’s the truth that I felt like God was trying to speak to my stubborn heart while folding laundry.

Your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

The truth is that my family DOES appreciate me, but I wasn’t feeling appreciated at the moment.  But my heavenly Father saw, and He appreciates me.  Isn’t it cool that this verse is smack dab in the middle of teaching by Jesus on fasting and prayer, and eating and wearing clothes?  I just had to laugh about the clothes part…folding laundry…get it?  I love Him!

More About Endurance

I mentioned in the last post that I felt God was teaching me endurance through this fast, and here is the rest of the story….

The day before I started the food fast, I took a picture with my mom, sister, and brother.  Let’s just say folks, I don’t have to worry about being able to float in the water anymore, because I have a built in inner tube!  Uhhh, I was so disgusted.  How did I let myself go so far in one year?  It was if I knew at that moment, I need to exercise.  I’ve been saying for the last few years that I don’t like exercise, but what I realized that I really meant was, “I don’t think that I need to exercise.  I’m good enough.  I can eat what I want, and move as I want, I’m ok.”  But that picture told a different story, it said, “You are not ok, no one likes exercise at first, and you need it.”  So, I begrudgingly told my husband that I thought that during my fasting time, I should use some of it to start exercising.  But day one came, and I didn’t. That night I saw my daughter making a list, and then she disappeared into the garage for about 30 minutes.  When she came out, she said, “Whoo, that was a good workout!”  What?!?  Hmm….I smell something fishy. 

Day 2 fast came and went, and no exercise, but when my daughter came home from school, she asked me if I wanted to work out with her that evening.  You see, she had come up with a workout routine, and she wanted me to do it with her.  So I thought, uh yeah, I can do a 10 year old work out, and this can eradicate that ugly nagging feeling of needing to work out, plus I get to feel like mom of the year for spending time with my daughter. Win, Win!  One thing led to another that evening and before I knew it, it was 8 o’clock, and I was just about to take a shower when Whitney comes in and says, “Mom, we didn’t work out yet, do you want to do it now?”  Ded blasted KLOVE!  Why do I listen to you??  Wouldn’t you know that I had just heard on the radio that day that it was ok to work out just before going to bed, that studies show (that’s my sarcasm included there) that you get just as good a night’s sleep if you work out before bed as you do at another time during the day.  I agreed, and we went and worked out.  I’ve included a picture of the workout routine.

Don’t let the sweet 10 year old handwriting fool you, this was no walk in the park!  My daughter is a fitness guru (I just learned this fact), and she pushed me to the limit.  She even counted while I did the exercises because I was out of breath.  I got smoked by a 10 year old. How EMBARRASSING!

And do I think that God orchestrated all of this for His good?  ABSOLUTELY!  I love Him!

7: Mutiny against FOOD

Today I am thankful for Jen Hatmaker, because I can see why God chose her to write this book.  Or maybe I should say, I can see why God did not choose ME to write this book.  Jen is funny, she has good friends, she’s a bit of a loose cannon at times, and she knows where to put commas and semi-colons.  She’s a great choice for the author of this book, and I’m thankful for her.  I’m a rule follower, and no one wants to buy a book written by a rule follower.  Rule followers are boring.  But even rule followers like to talk, so here’s my story.

I really, really wanted my husband to do these fasts with me.  I even thought God gave me the perfect idea about fast number 3 to get him interested, but no.  And, “No,” is what he told me.  So, since he wasn’t going to do it with me, it just didn’t make sense for me to stick to Jen’s model of seven foods, because there was no way I could cook one meal with my seven items, and then cook another delicious meal for the rest of the family, so I just decided to fast lunch for seven days, that way it wouldn’t affect anyone but me.

So, day 2 into the fast wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.  But I did have to keep myself occupied, and out of the KITCHEN.  First lesson when you are giving up food….stay clear of the kitchen.  Second lesson….stay busy.  My bathroom got a lot of attention that day, and the laundry is getting attention today.  I admit, though, I was watching the clock all day yesterday, counting down the hours until I could eat, and when it came down to the last hour, I was excited.  Then I felt a heavy presence around me, and I felt the need to pray when this verse came to mind, “Couldn’t you keep watch with me for one hour?  Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.” (This is really half parts of two verses, Matthew 26: 40b-41a.)  Strangely enough, my temptation was not to eat, or even sleep like it was for the disciples. (Although, I did both in the short 15 minute power nap I took earlier.  I was like Eve's daughter when I took a bite of that cookie in my dream.)  My temptation was to not pray.  And praying at that time wasn’t easy.  Not because I didn’t want to pray, I did, but I felt like forces unseen were trying to prevent me from praying.  Wanna know what I felt the Lord was asking me to pray about?...  the ladies in our group, doing this fast.  I prayed that those who believed the lies, “I don’t HAVE to fast,” and “I CAN’T fast,” would hear the truth, and that God would draw near to them, and meet them at their need, that His love would pour over them, and He would allow them to draw near to Him.  And even though I had to leave and pick my son up from school, I still felt called to pray this prayer for nearly the whole hour.

So this brings me to what I feel like God is teaching me through this fast.  ENDURANCE.  I think He is showing me how to press through the hard times, not only of not eating, but more importantly how to pray fervently, when the enemy doesn’t want me to pray.  I’m humbled. And I am excited about what God is going to do through this time of fasting in the lives of these ladies.